I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
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Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
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I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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