we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize