tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
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I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
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Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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