Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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