I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize