The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
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Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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