I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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