I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
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She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
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I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
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