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we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
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