He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
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Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
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i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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