she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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