my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize