I feel great
I just peed on a car
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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