Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My ATM looks so different sober.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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