just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The beer is more important than you right now.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
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she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
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This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
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