just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize