Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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