I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize