Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(213): View more from California

those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later

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(213): those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later http://tfl.nu/envj

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(253): View more from Washington

is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?

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(253): is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing? http://tfl.nu/rrvx

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(319): View more from Iowa

I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.

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(319): I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners. http://tfl.nu/k7br

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.

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(479): Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody. http://tfl.nu/gh8f

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(503): View more from Oregon

But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"

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(503): But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers" http://tfl.nu/x36v

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(218): View more from Minnesota

i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me

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(218): i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me http://tfl.nu/gpjb

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(619): View more from California

Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck

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(619): Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck http://tfl.nu/s9r0

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(587): View more from Alberta

The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.

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(587): The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll. http://tfl.nu/pn3x

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(585): View more from New York

We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.

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(585): We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling. http://tfl.nu/9r51

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(847): View more from Illinois

The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.

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(847): The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume. http://tfl.nu/g5bo

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(319): View more from Iowa

Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?

(1-319): View more from Iowa

Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.

(319): View more from Iowa

Thanks bro

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(319): Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement? (1-319): Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice. (319): Thanks bro http://tfl.nu/7e10

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(989): View more from Michigan

Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.

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(989): Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door. http://tfl.nu/7hia

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.

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(570): You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20. http://tfl.nu/twif

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.

(508): View more from Massachusetts

Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth

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(774): So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore. (508): Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth http://tfl.nu/ay7w

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.

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(202): A big toe in my vag is not foreplay. http://tfl.nu/p4zv

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