I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize