I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize