I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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