Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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