i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
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He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
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God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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