whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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