how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize