I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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