im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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