I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
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all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
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Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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