I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
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Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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