I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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