Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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