I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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