This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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