all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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