he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
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I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
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I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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