Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize