May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
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the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
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I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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