So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
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We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
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The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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