Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize