i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Someone came in the potted fern
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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