btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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