dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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