The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
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It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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