My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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