I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
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She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
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Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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