So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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