you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize