so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
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This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
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You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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