last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize